Criminal

Criminal, 2016

Directed by Ariel Vromen, 113 minutes

Kevin Costner, Ryan Reynolds, Tommy Lee Jones, Gary Oldman, Gal Gadot,

Review by Katherine Scheetz

Operative Bill Pope (Reynolds) winds up dead after an excruciating torture scene marked by electric shock to the teeth, with valuable anti-terrorist information in his head about asylum-seeking tech genius, “The Dutchman.” Experimental neurosurgeon Dr. Franks (Jones) is called to transplant Bill Pope into the head of Jericho (Costner) – who has a frontal lobe condition, making his brain the perfect blank slate to imprint Pope’s data onto. He also happens to be on death row.

Central Intelligence’s goal is to allow Jericho to get the anonymous “Dutchman” to safety, but both volatile characters go rogue and make more than a few uncalculated decisions. Jericho’s recall inevitably pulls Pope’s wife (Gadot) and daughter (newcomer Lara Decaro) into the race against time – and   a nuclear deal with the Russians. 

The CIA London office is HQ for this pseudo-sci-fi thriller, giving cinematographer Dana Gonzales the chance to paint a gritty picture of London with aerials of urban bustle.

However, this is a movie carried by its cast, particularly Costner’s enigmatic performance. He straddles the dichotomy of Pope and Jericho with gravelly grace, unadulterated rage against polished CIA training. Gadot is a willowy breath of emotion opposite him, haunted by her husband’s expressions that shadow Jericho’s face. It’s a moving duet of a performance, bulking up Gadot’s 2016 resumé of releases (Triple 9 and Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice).

              The script is as accommodating as Costner’s fluidity – springing us from fluent French to ‘I’m speaking Spanish mother-effer’ in under 10 seconds. While Vromen’s thiller isn’t breaking any box office records, it’s a solid reminder that Costner hasn’t lost his touch.

             

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Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, 2016

Directed by Zach Snyder, 151 minutes

Ben Affleck, Henry Cavill, Gal Gadot, Jesse Eisenberg, Amy Adams

by Hailey Dolan

Batman and Superman appear together for the first time in film history, but with Lois Lane (Adams), Lex Luthor (Eisenberg) and Kryptonians taking center stage, Batman’s presence feels more like a cameo than a leading role.

After half an hour of crammed-in backstory and constant jumps between storylines, our two (supposed) protagonists finally meet at a party held by Lex Luthor. Here, Bruce Wayne (Affleck) discovers Luthor has been creating a super weapon while keeping tabs on a handful of meta-humans – people with extraordinary powers. Superman (Cavill), under journalist alias Clark Kent, discovers Wayne is Gotham City’s Batman.

Affleck delivers the tortured Batman with a chronic solemn expression. Where is that switched-on charm we were expecting from billionaire Bruce Wayne? Instead, we’re stuck with a gullible Wayne who is the last to learn he is working for the villain.

Doesn’t really sound like Batman, does it?

In a robotic suit, Batman clunks around, unknowingly keeping Superman occupied while Luthor unrolls his devious plan. Our once dark knight is now merely a pawn.

For her part, Lois Lane pops up every time Superman is on the screen. Her presence is, however, more annoying than anything else. In the middle of the final battle, there she stands, somehow the only civilian to survive all of the destruction. She even figures out how to kill the Luthor-created monster before the super beings do. Just in time, of course, for Superman to grab a quick kiss.

Convenient.  

Gadot’s Wonder Woman leaves us wondering why a bigger-than-life Amazonian fighter would be portrayed by one so lithe. Though we never learn why Wonder Woman is in Metropolis to begin with, the writers have utilized her well in the battle sequence as the sole proactive combatant against the monster, while Superman flies off, distracted, and Batman is nowhere to be seen.

The only eye-catching performance comes from our villainous mastermind. Though the Luthor character is typically cold and suave, Eisenberg gives him a childish twist with neurotic tendencies. It's certainly memorable, however, not even an Oscar-worthy performance would have saved this film. With countless plot holes, we’re left with more questions than answers. And disappointment. Lots of disappointment.

A battle meant to be this epic was probably best left to our imaginations.

Our guest blogger, Hailey Dolan, is the sassy brain behind the Blogspot Lift Your Leg, where she publishes snarky reviews of music, movies and television. She also uses her powers for good, by raising money through her blog for local animal shelters. Come back soon to hear about Pachyderm Reviews upcoming fundraiser for Elephants and Bees in Nairobi, Kenya.